![]() I felt frustrated because I lost my train of thought. For example, “I noticed you interrupted me a few times yesterday. It’s essential to focus on what you saw or heard (the behavior) and its impact on you or on the situation. The hard part about this practice is telling the truth without blame or judgment. The first six possibilities are more likely to lead to a constructive outcome than the last five. ![]() Your intention becomes your true north for a courageous conversation. If you are clear about your intention before you speak, everything flows from that. OR, is there at least a part of me that wants to… ![]() For example, are people making neutral if not friendly eye contact with you Or, are they frowning and looking down at the floor? Are people under pressure to meet a deadline right now? Or are they anxious to get home because the weather is turning bad?Īsk yourself, “What is it that I want to accomplish in this conversation, REALLY?”ĭo I want to understand what happened, from both our perspectives? Meditating beforehand and noticing body sensations both before and during the conversation will also help you pay closer attention to the person or group with whom you are speaking and the context in which the interaction is occurring. Both of these activities quiet the brain’s Default Mode Network, the source of story spinning, especially when we are having a conversation that is difficult for us. You can prepare your internal state by meditating and/or simply noticing the sensations in your body. Those are the notes, but what about the music? You will be communicating more through your tone and body language than any of your words, so take time to prepare your internal state so you are calm enough to pay attention and listen to what is going on inside you what is going on for the other person or the group as a whole and finally, the context in which the interaction is occurring.įor example, if you are about to have a difficult conversation with a colleague, check inside yourself and notice how you are feeling: happy, sad, glad, mad, or scared? What thoughts are running through your head: What if she disagrees with me? What if this makes things worse? And what’s going on with your body: Do I have butterflies in my belly? A tickle in my throat? Most people focus on preparing the content-what they want to say before a difficult conversation. ![]() If you want to interact in more conscious and courageous ways, here are some tried and true practices to follow. Your ability to conduct courageous conversations effectively can be developed. 4 post, courageous communication takes practice. Over the 20 years we have been asking, their answers are surprisingly consistent: giving people negative feedback, being overwhelmed with emotion, not wanting to hurt others’ feelings, and damaging a relationship.Īs noted in the Dec. What difficult conversations do you typically avoid? How do you talk yourself out of speaking up? What makes difficult conversations difficult for you?ĭuring our annual Cascadia Center for Leadership program, we ask the 28 participants how they respond to these questions. Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen in “Difficult Conversations” “A difficult conversation is anything you find it hard to talk about…difficult conversations are a part of life.” ![]()
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